Wait Without Hope by T.S. Eliot

I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
Whisper of running streams, and winter lightning.
The wild thyme unseen and the wild strawberry,
The laughter in the garden, echoed ecstasy
Not lost, but requiring, pointing to the agony
Of death and birth.

T. S. Eliot, East Coker

Book review: The Forgotten Beasts of Eld by Patricia A. McKillip

trigger warnings for mentions of rape, kidnapping, emotional abuse, manipulation

I have read a few books by Patricia A. McKillip a while back and really liked them, so I was excited to scoop this one up. I love fantasy stories and  mythological beasts.

Amazon summary:

Young Sybel, the heiress of powerful wizards, needs the company of no-one outside her gates. In her exquisite stone mansion, she is attended by exotic, magical beasts: Riddle-master Cyrin the boar; the treasure-starved dragon Gyld; Gules the Lyon, tawny master of the Southern Deserts; Ter, the fiercely vengeful falcon; Moriah, feline Lady of the Night. Sybel only lacks the exquisite and mysterious Liralen, which continues to elude her most powerful enchantments.

But Sybel's solitude is to be shattered when a desperate soldier arrives bearing a mysterious child. Soon Sybel will discover that the world of men is full of love, deceit, and the temptations of vast power.

This was, per usual, very well written, with subtle characterization and a mysterious feel throughout the story. The main storyline was very "ice princess learns to feel", which isn't my favorite, but was handled well by McKillip. Too often, books kind of punish or scold female characters who love isolation, because women are supposed to have families or be available to men, blah blah blah. I find this mentality especially stupid because the author wrote the female character that way! Anyway, there was that whole "now that I love someone I'm afraid to lose them/they will get injured etc., it was better before I loved anyone" thing, which is a little par for the course at this point. Like, didn't she love the beasts? They loved her, as evidenced by the twist at the end of the book (it made me emosh). Didn't she love her father?

Also, as soon as Sybel gets the baby, a witch pops up out of nowhere to take care of him/teach Sybel how to take care of him. Was she there when Sybel was a baby? Did she take care of her as a baby? Why isn't she mentioned in Sybel's origin story? It was kind of weird to have such an interesting and important character be such an afterthought.

What I found the most interesting (besides the beasts, of course) was the  idea of fear turning you into a monster. Fear keeps you from truly loving someone and makes you do horrible things. Fear and control go hand in hand.  SPOILERS FOR THE REST OF THIS POST The king wanted Sybel but was afraid of her and her powers, so he got a more powerful wizard to force her to come to him so he could wipe her personality and powers and leave her a smiling shell for the wizard to use however he wanted. She gets away thanks to the fear monster (literalism!). Then, when Sybel is married to the soldier, she doesn't want him to think badly of her wanting to take revenge against the king, so she wipes his memory of finding her plotting with the opposing kingdom's rulers.

However, it should be noted that it's not like Sybel knew any better. She was born because her father the wizard magically kidnapped a princess that wandered too close to his castle and raped her. She died while giving birth to Sybel. I don't remember how the wizard dad was born, but it was probably something similar. Let's be real: what the king planned to do to Sybel was way worse than what she did to her husband. Like, it wasn't great, but manipulation of memories isn't complete personhood destruction and rape. (Also, did the king really think her nephew [the baby grown up] wouldn't notice that his aunt was a shell of herself? Like honestly, how stupid.)

Also, she had absolutely zero qualms about keeping sentient magical creatures in her castle, probably because it was her father and grandfather who kept them in the first place and taught her it was okay. Like, I would feel bad keeping regular wild animals. Wild animals should be free; sentient magical animals, doubly so. It's basically like keeping people imprisoned. I guess that's why she let them go in the end; she understood about trying to control people you profess to love.

I think the cover on my copy is decent, but I like this one better. Sybel's hair color is more accurate, and the animals look realistic and mysterious rather than cartoony.

Score: 4 out of 5 stars
Read in: early November
From: thrift store probably
Format: paperback
Status: keeping probably

Pantone's Colors of the Year 2008-2019, ranked

This is extremely subjective.

1. Ultra Violet, 2018: sick name, gorgeous color, evocative of royalty, not too bright or too blue/red, perfect. Yes, this is my favorite color; what about it?
2. Radiant Orchid, 2014: bright, cheerful, the color of the most expensive and exotic flowers, unfussy, unprecious, not overused, my second-favorite color.
3. Blue Iris, 2008: The color in the header image does not reflect this shade at all. It's a purplish blue, like a dark periwinkle. Literally the color of blue irises, one of my favorite flowers.
4. Turquoise, 2010: such a fun, bright cheerful color. So pleasant and versatile. Hard not to feel better when you look at it.
5. Emerald, 2013: rich, opulent green. Bold but replenishing, deep yet uplifting . Use it for jungle, forest, tribal, Victorian, just about any type of look. 
6. Living Coral, 2019: maybe it's the influence of the #rainbowlife Instagrammers I follow, but I actually like this color. Bright, summery and sunny but girly and fun rather than an eyesore. 
7. Tangerine Tango, 2012: girl, this is red. I just googled the shade name and the actual Tangerine Tango is like Living Coral but with more red. It's nice, whatever. 
8. Greenery, 2017: this is fine. The curtains my father chose for the bedroom I sleep in when I visit my parents is this color. Anyone suddenly craving fresh Granny Smith apples?
9. Serenity, 2016: aka the "It's a Boy!" color. snooze (although I guess that's the point)
10. Rose Quartz, 2016: wait, they chose both these colors for 2016? Baby blue AND baby pink? Did they not see the unfortunate baby shower implications? Like it is a pretty color, and millennial pink was/is a huge thing, but still. Pick a side!
11. Marsala, 2015: this is actually the prettiest brown I've ever seen, but it's nearly invisible next to all these other colors. The color in the image above doesn't represent it well at all.
12. Honeysuckle, 2011: it's Barbie, bitch. I googled it and while some varieties of honeysuckle are bright pink, none are as bright as this color (I think). 
13. Mimosa, 2009: all I see is mustard, and mustard is gross.