Mac & cheese dishes that are not actually mac & cheese

The name macaroni and cheese (mac & cheese or mac 'n' cheese for short) is, or at least should be, self-explanatory. However, it appears that most people forget the very first word in the name and proceed to throw together any type of pasta with cheese and call it mac & cheese. This, in my opinion, is wrong.

The following is a list of so-called "mac & cheese" dishes that, alas, were not.

• Evol Truffle Parmesan Mac & Cheese: this dish, while delicious, is made with tubetti pasta. Tubetti means "little tubes" in Italian. Macaroni noodles are also little tubes, but tubetti resembles uncurved large macaroni cut into even shorter (straight) tubes. Verdict: not mac & cheese.
• Lean Cuisine Marketplace Vermont White Cheddar Mac & Cheese: it just amazes me how brands will market their dishes as "mac & cheese" and then brazenly list the ingredients below the name, including the type of non-macaroni pasta in the dish. I mean hello??? That's like saying your brand's leather jacket is genuine leather and then putting 'man-made materials' underneath. This entree is made with cavatappi pasta, which is like if macaroni noodles were all connected into ribbed spirals. It does not count as mac & cheese.
• any boxed mac & cheese mix made with shell or character-shaped noodles: this one is especially frustrating because usually these are by Kraft, the gateway for most of us to the world of mac & cheese. Shells are not macaroni, and character-shaped pasta is cute, but neither type counts as mac & cheese. 
• Panera Mac & Cheese: literally small shell pasta in alfredo sauce. Not mac, and while technically their sauce is not alfredo but white cheddar, it is not the right color. They barely tried. Not mac & cheese.
• Chili's Pepper Jack Mac 'N' Cheese: First off, macaroni & cheese should not be spicy. This dish was hot enough that it was hard to taste the cheese, which is a minus in my opinion. Secondly, this is rotini pasta!! Rotini doesn't even look like macaroni in the least! At least tubetti and cavatappi noodles sort of look like macaroni noodles, if you squint a little. This outrageous insult against mac and cheese gets this star:

Here are some food blogger infractions: This cookbook writer on The New York Times whose recipe called for any type of pasta; Martha Stewart, who should definitely know better; Ina Garten, ditto (plus it sounds too fancy and kinda gross); this food blogger who was led astray by Kraft's shell mac & cheese; another using big shells; slow cooker big shells; medium shells; another "any shape"-er; this student who used PENNE and rightfully deleted the webpage; this hypocritical website; oh look another cavatappi recipe; several AllRecipes offenders whose recipes contain fusilli, big shells, mini shells, and rotini; and my personal favorite: this food blogger called Mac and Cheese Chick who made a knockoff recipe for Panera's mac (shells) and cheese using rotini!!! There are probably tons more but I got tired of looking for them.

So in googling pasta charts for this post, I realized macaroni (the type in boxed Kraft mac & cheese) has a different name in Italian, and probably the other types of macaroni noodles do as well. What does this mean for my pedantry? Well, since mac & cheese is an (I'm assuming) American invention, let's go with the English names for the proper pastas used in mac & cheese dishes. Mac & cheese dishes can be made with:

1. traditional macaroni noodles (like in the Kraft m&c boxes)
2. elbow macaroni
3. that big smooth macaroni that is just like elbow macaroni but a bit bigger

That is all. Thank you for your time.

Update: November 23, 2016
A few weeks ago I went to Panera and ordered their mac & cheese, and it appears that they have changed their noodles. They are short, very wide versions of macaroni noodles and are no longer small shells. I texted my BFF, who is basically a Panera expert, and she confirmed that the noodles indeed used to be small shells! It appears this blog post has brought about positive change. Bravo, Panera!

Opinions on: Names

(opinames. namepinions. opinameions)

source

Names should (depending on your values) hit that sweet spot where your child's name isn't ubiquitous but also isn't obscure enough that they never can find any personalized thing with their name on it. I was born in the late '80s and my name is Michelle. I've always been able to find personalized things with my name on them (unless they're sold out) but have never had to deal with the indignity of sharing a first name with a classmate and having to be known as Michelle R. My sister's name sounds like it would fit this category, but she rarely finds anything with her name on it.

Popular baby names lists should be perused, but for the opposite reason for which they are compiled: to show you what you should not name your child. Avoid giving your child any name in the top ten or, ideally, the top twenty. I personally have known at least eleven Jessicas.

Cutesy alternate spellings are to be avoided. To paraphrase a writer whose name I've forgotten, if you absolutely must name your child after the northwestern region of France, use the correct spelling, not Britany, Britney (only Ms. Spears can be named that), Britni, or any mutation thereof.

Unique names have their appeal, but decide whether you want everyone your child ever meets to demand an etymologic lesson. Just ask anyone with a rare or one-off name; they will tell you they are tired of having to explain their name to nosy strangers and deal with the "that's so unique!" and "what were your parents thinking?"-type comments.

Children should not be named after places, whether cities (Paris, Brooklyn, London, etc.) or countries. India is especially to be avoided if you are white. Hasn't colonialism done enough already? Why besmirch India's legacy and cultures by naming a spoiled hipster child after it?

Children should not be named after old-timey professions (Cooper, Mason, Chandler, Apothecary).

Don't Frankenstein names to create new ones. Some examples from Pinterest: Linley, Oakleigh, Saylor, Jaylee, Deagan, Adaley, Kanon, Brynlee, Kastyn. W T F

Do not use common nouns or adjectives as names (Apple, Bruin).

Avoid giving your child a name from a song, especially a popular, well-known song (Roxanne, Jolene, etc.). Probably the only annoying thing about my name is that people will sing "Michelle, my belle" at me from the Beatles song. I do not like it when people do that, although I do like the song.

Similarly, think before naming your child after a book you love. Some names are timeless and don't stick out (Jane, Elizabeth, Harry, Sam), but others fall into the faddish category (Katniss, Hermione, Atticus, Huck). It will be hard or irritating for your child to be constantly compared to their book character; they can never get away from it, because they are clearly named after a Harry Potter book or whatever. Take especially great care when choosing Shakespearean names. Imagine your child's disappointment when she discovers she is named after a girl who killed herself over a boy. Also, a lot of Shakespearean character names are weird (Hero, Hamlet).

Great care should be taken when choosing animal or fantastical creature names to name a human child. (I wasn't even going to put this but someone on Pinterest named their kid Griffin.) Plant names are typically easier, but again, be reasonable.

Surnames should not be used for first names. This confuses everybody. If you want to name your child something that ends in -son or -ton, don't. (Jason is acceptable.)

Faddish names of all stripes should be avoided.

Bible names are acceptable, as long as they are reasonable (see first opinion). Rebecca is fine; Joktan is not. Don't saddle your child with an obscure name in a dead language that no one can pronounce. It is the 21st century, and I think we can all agree that the Puritans were ridiculous.

For the love of everything, do not pick a random word from a language you don't speak for your child's name, especially if that language is from a culture you are not a part of. I have a friend whose classmate named her child Tarea (homework) after a trip to Mexico, only learning afterwards during a Spanish class what it meant.

Naming children after older relations is sweet, but you don't want your family tree to look like a Gabriel Garcia Marquez novel. It gets confusing. If at least two other family members have that name, reconsider.

Try to choose a name that will yield the least possible amount of teasing. There currently exists no name that cannot be twisted into mockery by children, but try to minimize the vexation as much as possible. My own name yielded only minor "stuck in the well"-type rhyming.

If the only other people who share your child's name are retired and grey-haired, it is an old person's name and should not be given to children (see first and previous opinion). If a name is truly timeless rather than dated, you should be able to find people of all ages who have that name.

Consider that you are giving a human person their name. This is the name they will carry for their entire life (unless you do such a bad job they want to change it when they're older). Give them something worthy, not thoughtless or absurd or boring or commonplace.

 unknown provenance, via Tumblr

EDIT: Another thing to consider:

 

The World Cup: guidelines of this non-sports fan

I am not a sports person but I make an exception for the World Cup, because futbol. By this I mean I actually pay attention to the game if I'm near someone who has the TV turned to it, and I check online to see who's won. These guidelines, for lack of a better word, are how I follow the World Cup.

I only care about Mexico. And the US. If these two ever play each other I will root for Mexico, because futbol is way more important to Mexicans than soccer is to Americans.
If two countries who are not these two are playing, I root for the Latino/Hispanic team. If they're both Latino, I root for the one I have the closest ties to. For instance, in the Spain/Chile game I was slightly pleased to see Chile won because I have some cousins who are half-Chilean.
If neither country is Hispanic I root for the country I have the closest ties to. In Japan/Greece, I wanted Greece to win because I have an aunt by marriage who is Greek.

At the end of the day I don't lose much sleep over who wins. Like I said, I only care about Mexico. And the US.