Book Review: Adrift in Starlight by Mindi Briar

When set adrift in the universe, some things are worth holding onto.

Titan Valentino has been offered a job they can't refuse.

Tai, a gender-neutral courtesan, receives a scandalous proposition: seduce an actor's virgin fiancée. The money is enough to pay off Tai's crushing medical debt, a tantalizing prospect. 

Too bad Aisha Malik isn't the easy target they expect.

A standoffish historian who hates to be touched, she's laser-focused on her career, and completely unaware that her marriage has been arranged behind her back. This could be the one instance where Tai's charm and charisma fail them.

Then an accidental heist throws them together as partners in crime.

Fleeing from the authorities, they're dragged into one adventure after another: alien planets, pirate duels, and narrow escapes from the law. As Tai and Aisha open up to each other, deeper feelings kindle between them. But that reward money still hangs over Tai's head. Telling Aisha the truth could ruin everything… 

Their freedom, their career, and their blossoming love all hang in the balance. To save one might mean sacrificing the rest.

I bought this ebook during one of those stuff your ereader sales last year. The premise sounded interesting, although the book is not as scandalous as the premise makes it sound. The setting is in the distant future, where many different planets are known about and colonized. The POV trades off between Tai and Aisha, who could not be more different: Tai is white, nonbinary, a cyborg, an orphan, in debt, and a sex worker who can charm anyone; Aisha is Black, asexual, touch-averse, an archeologist/historian, and an heiress who has been fighting against her ultra-rich and controlling parents to live the life she wants. Aisha's father arranged her marriage without telling her to a famous actor, the one who hires Tai to try to 'find out what she likes' and seduce her. The 'fiance' chooses Tai because they're a cyborg whose brain implant lets them read other people's moods and body language. Tai accepts the job despite their misgivings because it will pay off their medical debt: the shady doctor who saved Tai from the car crash that killed their parents and critically injured them when they were a child used the opportunity to implant the unregulated technology that saved their life, but also kept them chained to the doctor (who probably programmed the implant to malfunction every couple of years to keep the money rolling in), and no one stepped in because Tai was an orphan. This debt drove Tai to go into sex work when their parents' money dried up, mid-high school. So fucked up.

The story really takes off at Aisha's big museum exhibit of fossils from an ancient, presumed extinct ant-like alien culture. Aisha, her colleague Jimin (a nice Korean guy), a pilot named Hue who discovered an alien fossil in the exhibit, and Tai somehow figure out how to get an ancient piece of alien technology working, and it brings the fossilized alien to life! The ant-like creature takes back the alien technology and starts trying to escape, killing a security guard in the progress. Hue is able to communicate with the alien thanks to the dragon she's bonded with (dragons are aliens that can teleport and communicate telepathically, sort of eldila-like). The humans all help get the alien onto Hue's ship so they can get it back to its own people. From the outside, however, it looks like the four humans stole a valuable alien fossil and killed a security guard in the process, and they are now considered criminals on the run. 

They go to several different planets, all very different and interesting: a lush jungle-y planet with no sentient life, where they leave the alien; a pirate port planet named Tortuga after the pirate stronghold!, and Jimin's home planet Halcyon, a peaceful farming community watched over by dragons. All sorts of crazy stuff goes down, and Tai and Aisha grow closer throughout it all and fall in love, but Tai knows the lies will ruin everything between them. In my opinion, it was stupid of Tai to think that Aisha's 'fiance' would still be willing to pay them for seducing Aisha after they became fugitives from the law. In what world would that business transaction be kept? Tai should have realized this and just owned up on like day 2 or 3 when they realized they liked Aisha as a friend. Aisha was rejected in the past for being asexual, and it broke her heart; you can guess what happens when the truth is found out. More wild stuff goes down, and our lovebirds save each other and find a happy ending. I really enjoyed this book and the world it was set in, even though I hated how sexism, classism, and capitalism were still a thing. I'd be down to read more books in this series. 

Score: ★★★★ out of 5 stars
Spice score: 🌶
Read in: April 6
From: Barnes & Noble Nook

moodboard for Adrift in Starlight

Genres/classification: science fiction with some romance and borderline-fantasy elements

Tropes: opposites attract, sex worker x virgin (sorry), flirt x shy/standoffish, presumed criminals on the run, "this other person hired me to trick/date/bed you without you knowing I was hired to do so but now we're falling in love and I know it'll break your heart if you find out but I can't bring myself to tell you because I don't want you to be upset/break up with me" but she finds out anyway and leaves/breaks up with them but the liar apologizes and affirms they do love the lie-ee for real and they end up together anyway. You know the drill

Representation: Black ace female MC, nonbinary femme sex worker MC with they/them pronouns, straight? Korean male SC, Vietnamese bi or pan middle-aged female SC. Queernorm society, no homophobia or transphobia from what I remember

Trigger warnings: violence, death, suicide (very minor character, past), a character is drugged and imprisoned, medical abuse of a non-consenting patient since they were a child, a character began sex work as an underage teenager (all off-page), abusive/controlling parents, a character is shot with a future!gun, orphaned character whose parents died in a car crash (past), drugs and tripping/being high mentions, alcohol mentions, vomiting mentions, allergic reaction, gender dysphoria

Book Review: The Thread that Binds by Cedar McCloud

At the Eternal Library, books are more than the paper, ink, and thread they're made from--they're full of spirits. Only a handful of people will ever be invited to the Bindery to learn the craft of Illumination: the magical creation of intricate illustrated manuscripts, bound with a secret that will make them last forever.

Tabby is a dreamwalker, a witch who escapes into the stories of sleep to avoid a birth family that's never loved em enough. Amane is a cartomancer, a medium who speaks for the Unseen, but doesn't know how to speak her own needs. Rhiannon is a psychic, an archivist who can See into the past, but only has eyes on the future.

Their stories intertwine as they discover the secrets of Illumination, the Library's archives, and those of their mentors--the three of whom are competing to be the next Head Librarian, the Speaker for all the books. How do you know who's truly worth being part of your family? Sometimes we must forge connections in order to heal; other times, those bonds must be broken...

I bought this ebook from Nook/Barnes & Noble when they were having a sale. You know I'm a sucker for any kind of book about a library and/or books, and this one sounded really interesting. I read it for the Trans Rights Readathon. 

The world this story is set in is a queernorm one, with LGBTQ+-ness being completely normal and most people not having a gender at all. Eir/em pronouns are used for a lot of characters, which takes a bit of getting used to. Just about every letter in the acronym is represented, including aroace rep. The worldbuilding is very well done, with fairytales and folklore from the countries being a theme. The world felt real and lived-in, and I really want to visit the Eternal Library. The magic system is varied and interesting, and the idea of magical books is so cool. You know I enjoyed all the bookbinding etc. stuff. 

Trust, healing, and relationships (especially found family) are big themes in this book. While it deals with some heavy topics, it still feels somewhat cozy. Overall I really enjoyed this book, and would definitely read more books by this author, especially if they were set in the same world.

Score: 4 out of 5 stars
Spice score: 0.5 out of 5 chilies 🌶 (just kissing)
Read in: March 29
From: Barnes & Noble/Nook  

Representation: just about every letter in the QuILTBAG, nonbinary, asexual, aroace, polyamory, Black characters, queerplatonic relationship, racial and body diversity

Trigger warnings: domestic abuse, abusive parents, controlling parents, emotional manipulation, magical torture, that's all I can think of. Cedar McCloud has a list of trigger warnings in the beginning of the book

Ace Week books

I read these books back to back at the end of Ace Week, which is the third week of October. 

 

Loveless by Alice Oseman

This is one of the big ace books that are touted around bookstagram. I'd bought it at Target during a sale as I loved the Heartstopper show on Netflix, which is an adaptation of Oseman's series of the same name. This book has a very similar feel as the show, and it's set in the same universe (the characters go to the same high schools as the Heartstopper characters). Georgia starts university and struggles with society's and her expectations of finding and wanting love and sex. (More expanded summary) The way she's an introvert and loves fictional love and fanfiction but finds herself recoiling when faced with the prospect of PDA is so relatable. Some of her thoughts and decision-making during dating mirrors my own. Her confusion and despair were sad to read about. She also deals with friend drama, some of which she contributes to. Pip, James, Rooney and Sunil are mostly well-rounded, dynamic characters and I enjoyed spending time with them as well. Pip, a butch latina, and Sunil, Georgia's college and asexuality mentor and beautiful cinnamon roll (too good for this world, too pure) are my favorites. The love they all have for each other warmed my heart. Friendship love truly is so important. I wish I had had this book when I was in high school or college. 

4.5 out of 5 stars, 2 out of 5 chili peppers. Keeping. 

Aesthetics moodboard for Loveless

Representation: asexual, aromantic, aroace, pansexual, lesbian, Hispanic/Latine British, femme, butch/masc, South Asian British, gay (homoromantic), nonbinary, character with multiple pronouns, depression, anxiety (I don't remember if it's specifically mentioned but Georgia has it)

Trigger warnings: binge drinking, alcohol, partying, sex, depression, past toxic & controlling relationships, inferred past rape, anxiety, fire/burn accidents & minor injuries, low self-esteem, a character uses sex to make herself feel better/wanted

How to Be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual by Rebecca Burgess

I'd seen this book around ace bookstagram a lot too before finding it at Big Gay Comic's booth at my local Pride. Rebecca Burgess writes about their experiences growing up uninterested in crushes and dating, and is in distress about being abnormal and broken, etc. due to society's messages. They find out about asexuality and write about their struggles getting others to accept and understand them, as well as dealing with anxiety and OCD. Society's pressure about dating and having sex as markers of adulthood are dwelled on a lot in this book. (Read the book summary here) Rebecca tries dating, but they hate the physical contact that is expected. You can't help but to root for Burgess as they come to understand and accept themself and find a relationship that works for them. There are a lot of similar themes to Loveless, like the aforementioned topics as well as going through college and making friends. Maybe I shouldn't have read these two books back to back in order to fully appreciate the differences, but oh well. I loved the Good Omens shout-out in this book; Burgess says they see their own asexual relationship reflected in Aziraphale's and Crowley's. I think the intended audience for this book is young adult and older, based on the mentions of sex. The drawing style is a very 'childish' style and makes the book seem younger than it is. The page where it depicts various ace approaches to sex actually has illustrations of couples engaging in these activities, and with the cutesy cartoony drawing style it kind of takes you aback. Burgess does not, as far as I can tell, also identify as aromantic, but I think it applies as they have no interest in other people or dating for a long time (and they seem to only date people they like as friends). Overall, this was a valuable book and I'm glad I read it. This is also a book I wish I'd had in high school.

4 out of 5 stars, 3 out of 5 chili peppers due to the sex mentions/illustrations. Keeping for now.

Representation: asexual, aromantic in the beginning at least, anxiety, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, sapphic relationship, possible biromanticism, protagonist is diagnosed with endometriosis towards the end of the book but it doesn't come up much

Trigger warnings: rape mention, corrective rape mention, OCD spiraling thoughts, panic attacks, anxiety, eating issues due to OCD, depression, aphobia, homophobia, ableism, poverty, going hungry, economic issues, being out of work, unhelpful therapist, sex mentions, amatonormativity, low self-esteem

Book Review: The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun

The publisher of this book ran a promotion where if you made a free account for their e-reading app, you could choose an ebook to read for free. I'd had my eye on The Charm Offensive for a while, as it's a queer Bookstagram darling that features an ace-spec character, so I jumped at the chance. Here's the summary:

Dev Deshpande has always believed in fairy tales. So it’s no wonder then that he’s spent his career crafting them on the long-running reality dating show Ever After. As the most successful producer in the franchise’s history, Dev always scripts the perfect love story for his contestants, even as his own love life crashes and burns. But then the show casts disgraced tech wunderkind Charlie Winshaw as its star.

Charlie is far from the romantic Prince Charming Ever After expects. He doesn’t believe in true love, and only agreed to the show as a last-ditch effort to rehabilitate his image. In front of the cameras, he’s a stiff, anxious mess with no idea how to date twenty women on national television. Behind the scenes, he’s cold, awkward, and emotionally closed-off.

As Dev fights to get Charlie to connect with the contestants on a whirlwind, worldwide tour, they begin to open up to each other, and Charlie realizes he has better chemistry with Dev than with any of his female co-stars. But even reality TV has a script, and in order to find to happily ever after, they’ll have to reconsider whose love story gets told.

It took me a bit to get into this book and adjust to the writing, but this was a fun and cute read with a lot of mental health discussion and representation.  I felt for Charlie being constantly overwhelmed by reality television and being unable to pretend to be a charming extrovert; I did one episode of a game show and it solidified for me that a career in reality television is not for my introverted self. I can't imagine trying to act happy and normal whilst dating 20 strangers and dealing with manufactured drama for several months! Charlie has severe social anxiety and OCD, which are not understood by most of the people in the show. Dev is the only one who kind of gets what's going on, and this helps them connect (the show making them cohabitate doesn't hurt either). Charlie quickly becomes dependent on Dev, and Dev finds he genuinely cares for Charlie; this is surprising to both of them, as are the feelings they develop for each other.

I felt that it was unrealistic for Dev to believe so strongly in love and happily-ever-afters when he's worked for a dating reality TV show for six years. Everything in those kinds of shows is fake. He's literally helping manufacture it behind the scenes! I also don't get how Charlie and his awesome assistant thought being on a reality dating show would rehabilitate Charlie's image so he can get work in his field, which is coding?? What does that have to do with anything? It's established almost immediately that Charlie doesn't like to be touched, but then after the first week or so Dev kept touching Charlie without asking/warning first and Charlie seemed to be okay with it? I also thought Dev's behavior and decisions towards the end were unnecessarily dramatic. So what if Charlie is supposed to get engaged to one of the women? Just keep it quiet until Charlie can legally break up with the winner. There is some miscommunication trope, I'm afraid.

Charlie not realizing he's gay makes sense in context of his being demisexual: if he is only sexually attracted to people he's in love with, and he's never been in love before, then he'd be ignorant of both aspects of his sexuality. Dev is also gay, and he appears to have ADHD as well as depression. 

Over all, I really enjoyed this book, and I liked that it had mental health as well as ace-spec representation. I'd recommend it to people who like their romance books to have depth and representation, but still make you kick your feet and giggle. This would be such a great rom-com movie.

Score: 4 out of 5 stars, 4 out of 5 chilies 🌶
Read in: September 19
From: Glose app
Status: deleting my Glose account later

See my aesthetics moodboard for The Charm Offensive!

Representation: Indian American, gay, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, anxiety, depression, demisexual/asexual spectrum, ADHD (not explicitly named), Black minor characters, Asian minor character(s), bisexual minor character(s), lesbian minor character(s)

Cover notes: Another cartoony romance novel cover. I'm not a huge fan of the style but what it's depicting is perfect.

Trigger warnings: ableism, homophobia, biphobia, depression, OCD, anxiety, racism, low self-esteem (possible internalized homophobia), being in the closet

Book Review: Ophelia After All by Racquel Marie

Ophelia Rojas knows what she likes: her best friends, Cuban food, rose gardening, and boys – way too many boys. Her friends and parents make fun of her endless stream of crushes, but Ophelia is a romantic at heart. She couldn’t change, even if she wanted to.

So when she finds herself thinking more about cute, quiet Talia Sanchez than the loss of a perfect prom with her ex-boyfriend, seeds of doubt take root in Ophelia’s firm image of herself. Add to that the impending end of high school and the fracturing of her once-solid friend group, and things are spiraling a little out of control. But the course of love—and sexuality—never did run smooth. As her secrets begin to unravel, Ophelia must make a choice between clinging to the fantasy version of herself she’s always imagined or upending everyone’s expectations to rediscover who she really is, after all.

I put off reading Ophelia After All because I immediately knew, upon reading the synopsis, that the book would be very important to me. Ophelia is half Cuban like me and has the same last name as me (her dad even has the exact same name as my dad!), and she's always crushing on boys and longing for romance and Love™.  In the book Ophelia struggles with her crush on a girl, ignoring or excusing away her past attraction to girls, and resenting the childish and heteronormative image her loved ones have of her, fearing they'll no longer love her if/when she breaks out of that box. Honestly so real. Ophelia's freaking out about her not-straightness is probably how I would have handled it at her age. 

Ophelia has a big diverse group of friends, whom I mostly all liked at varying levels. Each friend had a different dynamic with Ophelia; she develops closer friendships with Talia (Afro-Puerto Rican) and Wesley (Korean American). I especially liked the latina amiga bonding between Talia and Ophelia. There's a love triangle within the friend group that is very dramatic, and it's annoying for the friends outside of it. There's also drama about who's asking who to prom. I thought it was really sweet that Ophelia made corsages and boutonnieres out of her roses for all her friends and their dates for prom. Ophelia was too prone to avoidance when it came to her problems, which was relatable and understandable, but obviously made things worse and was annoying to read.

Spoilers, highlight to read: I was shocked when Ophelia didn't end up with Talia. I really felt that Talia liked her back. It was honestly such a twist for me, because we're seeing it through Ophelia's romcom lens so it felt that way. I love that very few of her friends ended up being straight, and I like that 1 friend was asexual and 1 friend was aromantic. I know aroace people exist, but I think it helped differentiate the two identities (especially for those new to the concepts). I wish I'd had a group of friends that tight-knit (and queer lol) in high school, and I wish I had an LGBTQ+ center near me like the one in the book. The main/only thing I disliked in the book (well, the teenage dating drama got a bit much sometimes) was that, when Ophelia's mom hears that her daughter dumped her drink on one of her (male) students, she immediately demands an explanation (fair) and wants Ophelia to apologize to the guy without knowing what happened (unfair!!). Like, obviously when a girl dumps her drink on a guy she doesn't know, it's because he said or did something inappropriate to her! But Ophelia's mom was immediately #teamdouchebagstudent and acted like Ophelia's action could jeopardize her job or something. I could see the apprehension if the guy had been like the son of the department chair or something, but he was just some guy, and Mom should have been on her daughter's side anyway. Why did she just assume the worst of Ophelia? Supposedly they had been really close, but the mom's behavior wasn't characteristic of that. It disappointed me. I did love that Wesley's parents were so supportive of him that they proudly displayed ace flags in their home and offices!!

I liked Ophelia as a character and think it's adorable that every item of clothing she owns has flowers on it. I liked the story despite finding some parts of it challenging, and would recommend it to anyone who identifies with any part of the story. I wish I'd had this book in high school. I'm so glad I bought and read this story, and even if Ophelia Rojas isn't exactly like Michelle Rojas, she's a part of me now.

Score: 4 out of 5 stars
Read in: June 20
From: Bookshop.org
Status: keeping

See my aesthetics moodboard for Ophelia After All!

Representation: Cuban American, 2nd generation American (children of immigrants), questioning, queer, sapphic, biracial (dad is Cuban, mom is Irish American), bisexual, Afrolatina, Puerto Rican, masculine of center female character, Pakistani American, asexual, Korean American, aromantic, Black, fat, tbh Ophelia gives me neurodivergent vibes with her roses and romance obsessions

Cover notes: I love this cover; it is perfect. I feel like it perfectly captures Ophelia, down to her adorable freckles. 

Trigger warnings: homophobia, internalized homophobia, a character's homophobic family rejects her, closeted character fears rejection, a very minor character makes racist, sexist and homophobic remarks (including the D slur); a character kisses another character without asking/checking for consent first, mood outburst from teen male character that scares his female BFF (not actually violent), exhausting "straight" love triangle

Book Review: Sounds Fake But Okay by Sarah Costello & Kayla Kaszyca

'Somehow, over time, we forgot that the rituals behind dating and sex were constructs made up by human beings and eventually, they became hard and fast rules that society imposed on us all.'

True Love. Third Wheels. Dick pics. 'Dying alone'. Who decided this was normal?

Sarah and Kayla invite you to put on your purple aspec glasses - and rethink everything you thought you knew about society, friendship, sex, romance and more.

Drawing on their personal stories, and those of aspec friends all over the world, prepare to explore your microlabels, investigate different models of partnership, delve into the intersection of gender norms and compulsory sexuality and reconsider the meaning of sex - when allosexual attraction is out of the equation.

Spanning the whole range of relationships we have in our lives - to family, friends, lovers, society, our gender, and ourselves, this book asks you to let your imagination roam, and think again what human connection really is. 

I bought this book during Barnes & Noble's 25% off preorders sale, and read it for International Asexuality Day. This book is based on an asexual- and aromantic-themed podcast from two best friends, which has the same title as the book. The title is a reference to people often thinking asexual and aromantic people are making stuff up. I am not a podcast person and had never heard of SFBO, but I might just seek it out. Each chapter tackles a different topic through the lens of the asexual and aromantic spectrums: society, yourself, friendship, romance and partners, sex, family, and gender. There is a glossary of terms in the beginning of the book, which is very helpful. Some stuff was known to me and some stuff wasn't; it's not so much that I learned from this book but that a lot was affirmed for me. It's nice to spend time in a book with such a solidly a-spec point of view. I wouldn't consider this a beginner, intro to asexuality/aromanticism type of book, but would be fine to read in conjunction with such books. It's not particularly advanced either. I liked how the book included podcast listeners' experiences and perspectives, instead of just the two authors'. Sarah identifies as asexual and aromantic, and Kayla as demisexual and biromantic; both women are white and cisgender. This is a worthy addition to the pantheon of asexual and aromantic books, and I would read it in addition to other books such as Refusing Compulsory Sexuality, which is from a Black asexual lens. This was a quick read and I recommend it.

Score: 4 out of 5 stars
Read in: April 7
From: Barnes & Noble
Status: keeping

Representation: asexual and aromantic, other terms and micro-terms under those umbrellas (demisexual, demiromantic, etc.), biromantic author, other LGBTQ+ identities from submitters

Cover notes: Love it, obvs. Not sure why the sunglasses are there but they're cute. Maybe as a reference to the Deal With It meme? Oh wait the "put on your purple aspec glasses" reference in the summary.

Trigger warnings: aphobia, acephobia, homophobia, references to sexual assault and harassment, amatonormativity, allocentrism, heteronormativity, sex and hookups mentions, vomit/ing mention, JK Rowling/Harry Potter mentions, that's all I remember

Book Review: The Romantic Agenda by Claire Kann

Joy is in love with Malcolm.
But Malcolm really likes Summer.
Summer is in love with love.
And Fox is Summer’s ex-boyfriend.
 
Thirty, flirty, and asexual Joy is secretly in love with her best friend Malcolm, but she’s never been brave enough to say so. When he unexpectedly announces that he's met the love of his life—and no, it's not Joy—she's heartbroken. Malcolm invites her on a weekend getaway, and Joy decides it’s her last chance to show him exactly what he’s overlooking. But maybe Joy is the one missing something…or someone…and his name is Fox.
 
Fox sees a kindred spirit in Joy—and decides to help her. He proposes they pretend to fall for each other on the weekend trip to make Malcolm jealous. But spending time with Fox shows Joy what it’s like to not be the third wheel, and there’s no mistaking the way he makes her feel. Could Fox be the romantic partner she’s always deserved?

You all know of my quest to read every asexual book, and Claire Kann's books have been on my radar ever since I read Let's Talk About Love. You can tell how the book is going to be like and how it's going to end just by reading the synopsis (the tropes are strong with this one), but it's kept from being formulaic by Joy and Malcolm being ace and having a really deep friendship that veers into queerplatonic relationship territory. However, their (kinda codependent) best friendship doesn't keep Joy from feeling the pain of unrequited love and seeing Malcolm date other women. I felt that Malcolm took her for granted and asked too much of her, on top of being too bossy. Who makes a weekend trip agenda planned down to the minute for three other people and doesn't give it to them ahead of time, keeping every aspect of it a secret until each event occurs? Who sulks when someone wants to go grocery shopping because tHaT's NoT iN tHe AgEnDa? An uptight jerk unworthy of #carefreeblackgirl Joy, that's who. He just expected her to pull out the trampoline every time he said jump. Anyway that's where the title comes from (agenda).

I'm not sure if this is also in other "make him jealous by fake dating the other guy" books, but Summer was not a jealous bitch like I suspected and was actually a rather rounded character who did genuinely want to befriend Joy, even if she went about it a weird way. Fox is a typical Brooding Hunk™ who's the Grumpy to Joy's Sunshine; their dynamic was overall rather formulaic but still fun to read because Claire Kann incorporates discussions of consent and asexuality. I like the way asexuality was handled in this book a bit better, as it felt a little less didactic. It also helps that all the characters are all about 30 years old, lol. The characters did feel a bit stock character-y, but I still enjoyed the book. This is definitely a "kicking my heels and giggling" kind of romance book, and would make such a fun beach read.

Spoilery comments because that's who I am as a person: we learn that Malcolm is really intense as a partner and has been in love with Joy the whole time, yet he never pulled out the stops to try to woo her or even just tell her how he feels? Joy doing everything for him and being devoted while in (she thinks) unrequited love with him really made me feel for her, as I went through something somewhat similar in the past. I understood Joy's reluctance to let go because what if that's the best she ever gets, what with being asexual? What's the point of having Joy and Malcolm be in mutual perceived-unrequited love and then confess it if they end up with their respective partners? I hated Malcolm's ex-fiance for being such a bitch to Joy and blaming her for trying to "steal her man"; it wasn't Joy's fault that Malcolm refused to own up to his feelings and continually chose Joy over her (although it's not like Joy chose to get sick the same night as Whatsherface's big work party). I didn't love how both Summer and Malcolm wanted to get married for the sake of getting married; I feel it caused them to overlook each other's faults and settle, kinda. It's not a healthy mentality to have. Apropos of nothing, but I feel like Claire Kann has a k!nk for men who cook, based on these two books of hers that I've read. Fair. Oh also, one of the pairs sort of make out and caress partially unclothed, but there isn't any actual sex.

I recommend this book for people who want to read trope-y romance novels that aren't so cishet, and/or who want a romance novel with asexual characters. I don't think you'll like this book if you don't like romance. 

Cover notes: This book cover is cute and sums up the vibe, although I don't love how cartoony it is. The heart dotting the i seems to be made by one of those skywriting planes, which makes no sense because they never ride a plane, only helicopters.

Score: 4 out of 5 stars
Read in: February 13
From: Book Outlet (before I found out they're antisemitic)
Status: keeping

See my aesthetics moodboard for The Romantic Agenda!

Trigger warnings: mentions of past partners expecting/demanding sex from asexual character, discussion of aphobia (homophobia against asexual people), acrophobic character made to fly in helicopter, character outed without her consent, online harassment, past off-page death (I want to say car accident?), grief, alcohol mentions (various), drunkenness, female character objectified mentions, unrequited love, emotional labor taken for granted

Book Review: The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzi Lee

A year after an accidentally whirlwind grand tour with her brother Monty, Felicity Montague has returned to England with two goals in mind—avoid the marriage proposal of a lovestruck suitor from Edinburgh and enroll in medical school. However, her intellect and passion will never be enough in the eyes of the administrators, who see men as the sole guardians of science.

But then a window of opportunity opens—a doctor she idolizes is marrying an old friend of hers in Germany. Felicity believes if she could meet this man he could change her future, but she has no money of her own to make the trip. Luckily, a mysterious young woman is willing to pay Felicity’s way, so long as she’s allowed to travel with Felicity disguised as her maid.

In spite of her suspicions, Felicity agrees, but once the girl’s true motives are revealed, Felicity becomes part of a perilous quest that leads them from the German countryside to the promenades of Zurich to secrets lurking beneath the Atlantic.

A fellow ace friend gave me this book for my birthday. I was jazzed as it'd been on my to-read list ever since I heard about it through one of bookstagram's ace books lists. I haven't read the first one, which I think is about Monty (the brother) getting together with his boyfriend. You don't really need to have read it to get the sequel, but it does occasionally reference the trio's misadventures in the previous book. I can't stand reading series books out of order, but since this was a gift, I didn't want to wait too long. 

To say Felicity dreams of being a doctor would be an understatement. She eats, sleeps, and breathes medicine. She is actually in Edinburgh because at the time (the 1700s, date unspecified), it was the medical science capital of the world (Europe). Obviously she is refused at every medical school due to sexism, but she won't give up. She decides to crash the wedding of her doctor hero on the tenuous grounds that she was best friends with the bride, Johanna, when they were children (tenuous because she wasn't invited and they had a friend breakup a few years ago). She hopes she can talk her way into being tutored by him or being his assistant. The mysterious woman who pretends to be her servant is Sim, a badass Algerian piratess who kickstarts the dangerous and scientific adventure that she, Felicity and Johanna go on. 

I mostly liked Felicity, and would categorize her as aroace because she had no interest in romance, either with men or women. (I'm sensing a theme.) She did kind of feel like the classic Modern Feminist Heroine in an unmodern setting (you know, the type who refuses to wear corsets or marry without love but in a really modern way), and it amused me to read in the afterword that the author had specifically been trying to avoid this trope. Sorry, sister. I ended up liking Johanna way more than I thought I would, since she's kind of Felicity's girly opposite. I liked the girls teaming up and how Felicity gets to flex her medical skills.

THIS IS THE PART OF THE REVIEW WHERE I TALK ABOUT SPOILERS

Felicity's "there is only one right way to be an intelligent/scholarly/scientific woman" shtick annoyed me. She looked down on Johanna because she was into girly stuff like dresses and parties and boys, and that's what led to their friendship breakdown. It's rather "I'm not like other girls". I kept waiting for someone to point out to Felicity that no matter how plainly, practically and unfashionably she dressed, men would never take her seriously, but no one ever did. When she meets up with Johanna and realizes how well she still knows her and the importance their friendship had to her, that really tugged my heartstrings and made me miss my ex-best friend. I'm glad the girls become friends again.

A massively hearty F U to the doctor guy for all the shit he put the girls through. He sucks. He does get a comeuppance but not so much what he deserves.

Oh, the scientific mystery? It's sea dragons. SEA DRAGONS!! They have iridescent blue scales that make you high when you ingest them. Naturally they are being hunted to extinction. I wish they were real. We do have sea dragons, but they are like this and not like this.

I would walk the plank for Sim. She's so into Felicity, although of course Felicity is not, and flirts with her, calling her a rare wildflower men would walk the whole earth to find (swoon). DUMP FELICITY MARRY ME

END SPOILERS I GUESS, EXCEPT OF COURSE FOR THE TRIGGER WARNINGS

Overall I really liked this book and want to read the others (although Monty sounds kind of annoying). *~Friendship and science!~* 

Score: 4 out of 5 stars
Read in: November 3
From: bday gift from a friend
Status: keeping tentatively

Cover notes: I like this cover. The illustrated doodles are fun. However, Felicity's hair seems to be pinned up (the book is very clear about her always having her hair back in a braid), and, most damning of all, she seems to be wearing an Edwardian dress! (It could be an atypical Victorian dress bodice, I guess, but there's no skirt volume. Either way that's way too late.) Sigh.

Trigger warnings: physical abuse of child and teens, abusive parent, teenage girl coerced into marrying adult man, man threatens to shoot dog to force girl to marry him, teenage girls imprisoned/tied up by adult men, underage alcoholism, underage alcohol abuse, homophobia mentions, substance addiction, addict is villain who does bad things, drugs (snuff), animal cruelty, animal/fish death (fishing/hunting), medical gore, blood, period-typical sexism, poison, character nearly dies from being poisoned, parental abandonment of child, illness mentions, homelessness mentions

Book Review: Dread Nation by Justina Ireland

Jane McKeene was born two days before the dead began to walk the battlefields of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania—derailing the War Between the States and changing the nation forever.

In this new America, safety for all depends on the work of a few, and laws like the Native and Negro Education Act require certain children attend combat schools to learn to put down the dead.

But there are also opportunities—and Jane is studying to become an Attendant, trained in both weaponry and etiquette to protect the well-to-do. It's a chance for a better life for Negro girls like Jane. After all, not even being the daughter of a wealthy white Southern woman could save her from society’s expectations.

But that’s not a life Jane wants. Almost finished with her education at Miss Preston's School of Combat in Baltimore, Jane is set on returning to her Kentucky home and doesn’t pay much mind to the politics of the eastern cities, with their talk of returning America to the glory of its days before the dead rose.

But when families around Baltimore County begin to go missing, Jane is caught in the middle of a conspiracy, one that finds her in a desperate fight for her life against some powerful enemies. 

And the restless dead, it would seem, are the least of her problems.

I read this book for Halloween, as it has zombies. This one was purchased from the thrift store a while back. Bookstagram informed me that a side character is ace, which made me happy. Part of the reason I picked this book above my other spooky reads was because I wasn't ready to let Ace Week go. 

Anyway, WHEW THIS BOOK. It was so gory and horrifying and suspenseful and amazing. While it does take place in an alternate timeline, the racism and inequality of the Reconstruction South feels like it rang true (obviously I was not alive then but I'm guessing it was like that). It's really saying something when the racism is scarier than the zombies. The zombies themselves are pretty standard; the only unique qualities are that their eyes turn yellow, and the newly turned are faster and stronger than the longer-undead ones. I don't consume a lot of zombie media, but that was new to me. There was a line in the book about white people claiming certain people of color had been bitten in order to enslave them, in an echo of the 13th amendment loophole. There were parts of this that were hard to read and very sad (zombies attacking children etc., the kind of racism that you already know to expect).

I liked Jane, although I found her impulsivity and inability to keep her mouth shut annoying. You'd think a Black girl raised in the mid- to late-1800s would know when not to mouth off, even if she was raised by a white mother who coddled her and didn't believe in corporate punishment for Black workers. She was pretty badass though. Katherine, Jane's classmate in the finishing school, begins as an annoying tattling prig, but due to circumstances that bring them together, grows on Jane and us. She's the ace character, and due to her lack of interest in relationships, I read her as aroace. There's a fun surprise as to another character's LGBTQ+ identity. There's also a Black smoothtalking conman and nice white scientist for Jane to have sparks with. One of the more interesting characters was Mr. Redfern, a Native American badass and morally gray character who is only in the first half of the book. I hope we see him again in the sequel, which I can't wait to read. 

Score: 4 out of 5 stars
Read in: October 31
From: Savers thrift store
Status: giving away eventually

Cover notes: I really like this cover. "Jane" with her sickles in front of the American flag? Perfection. My only quibble is that she seems to be wearing an Edwardian dress and the book clearly takes place in 1880 or so.

Trigger warnings: murder, gore, zombies attacking/eating children and other people, attempted murder of infant, attempted murder of child, attempted drowning of child by adult, white supremacy, racism, death/murder by shooting (multiple instances), racial slurs, violence, Black character struck and flogged by white men, use of Black servant as zombie bait in medical experiment, police brutality, evil sheriff character, starvation, enforced hunger, imprisonment, internalized white supremacy in Black characters who betray their own, the Bible/religion/Christianity used to support racism, segregation and slavery; corrupt preacher character, sexism, misogynoir, whorephobia (prejudice against sex workers)

Book Review: A-Okay by Jarad Greene

When Jay starts eighth grade with a few pimples he doesn’t think much of it at first…except to wonder if the embarrassing acne will disappear as quickly as it arrived. But when his acne goes from bad to worse, Jay’s prescribed a powerful medication that comes with some serious side effects. Regardless, he’s convinced it’ll all be worth it if clear skin is on the horizon!

Meanwhile, school isn’t going exactly as planned. All of Jay’s friends are in different classes; he has no one to sit with at lunch; his best friend, Brace, is avoiding him; and—to top it off—Jay doesn’t understand why he doesn’t share the same feelings two of his fellow classmates, a boy named Mark and a girl named Amy, have for him. 

Eighth grade can be tough, but Jay has to believe everything’s going to be a-okay…right?

I bought this book from (you guessed it) Book Outlet as part of my quest to own every book about asexuality. I rarely read graphic novels or middle grade books, especially ones about boys, so this is a departure from my usual reading. I wanted something low-stakes and fun/easy after the last book I read. Also, this is my first ace read for Asexual Awareness Month.

This book is heavily based on the authors' experiences with developing bad acne at a late/r age. Jay/Jarad had perfect skin before getting bad acne, which led to being teased for being a "porcelain doll" (a compliment I've often received. I guess it's an insult for boys). Jay has low self-esteem due to his skin issues and tries developing a fashion style to make up for it. Besides his skin, Jay's main concern is that his class schedule keeps him apart from his 7th grade friends, who all seem to be ditching him for new friend groups. Jay struggles with making new friends, a rigorous skincare routine, medication side effects and monthly blood draws to make sure the Accutane isn't damaging his liver. It bothered me that Jay's dad didn't bother to try making his food low-fat, despite the dermatologist specifically telling Jay to eat a low-fat diet due to his medication. I also didn't like how his parents were dismissive and discouraging of Jay's desire to study art. They weren't cruel about it, but it still rubbed me the wrong way.

My brother also took Accutane for his acne. My siblings all had pretty bad acne but I don't remember if the younger two were put on it as well. Accutane really sucks to take; I remember my brother having to wear a hat and stay out of the sun. I actually think it impacted his joints negatively, if memory serves. Due to my developmental issues, I never had to worry about acne; I still mostly don't as long as I wash my face and change my pillowcase regularly. I did once have a very bad allergic reaction that left my face very dry, itchy, painful and leprous-looking for what felt like years, so I know what it's like to have perfect skin you take for granted until it's gone. It really does fork up your self-esteem. This was several years before the pandemic so I couldn't even hide behind face masks. I used to get looks like I was diseased. Most people would tell you my skin is flawless today, but I know it's not the same. That perfect skin I used to have is gone forever. 

Jay's asexuality is not dwelled on very much. Two of his friends have crushes on him and ask him out, but he doesn't have feelings for either of them. Jay's lack of crushes puts him at odds with his fellow middle-schoolers, as you can imagine. Mark, one of said crushing friends, casually calls him an ace, and Jay goes home and googles what it means, thus learning about asexuality. His aceness is briefly mentioned a few times more in the book but doesn't really come up past that, which disappointed me a bit. Jay accepted his asexuality immediately, happy to have a word for what he is. I would have liked to see more about him dealing with that and maybe discussing it with Mark. That said, I'm really glad this book exists; now middle grade kids are going to learn what asexuality is instead of not hearing about it until adulthood like me and a lot of other aces (including the author). Another thing I will say is that this book seems to conflate asexuality with aromanticism, which are two separate things. Jay doesn't have any romantic feelings, which to me makes him aromantic as well as asexual, but the book's only mention of aromanticism is one word, aromantic, shown in Jay's googling. I'm ace but I got crushes all the time, even in middle school.

I enjoyed this book, even though it delved into eighth grade life and worries and that's well over half my life ago. I was kind of disappointed when the book ended; I wouldn't mind reading a sequel that follows Jay into high school. I'd also be interested in seeing how he deals with being aroace then. I would recommend this book to the target audience and anyone who has ever dealt with anything Jay deals with. 

Score: 4 out of 5 stars
Read in: October 20
From: Book Outlet
Status: tentatively keeping

Trigger warnings: needles/blood drawing, including in the face (no blood shown); some bullying, teasing, mocking; low self-esteem, anxiety, friend rejection, friend estrangement, parents dismissive of Jay's desire to study art

Book Review: Upside Down by N.R. Walker

This book was highly recommended by ace bookstagram, which is where I first heard about it. One ace bookstagrammer I follow said it's her comfort read and that she reads it dozens of times a year! I had high hopes for this one. Book summary:

Jordan O’Neill isn’t a fan of labels, considering he has a few. Gay, geek, a librarian, socially awkward, a nervous rambler, an introvert, an outsider. The last thing he needs is one more. But he when he realises adding the label ‘asexual’ might explain a lot, it turns his world upside down.

Hennessy Lang moved to Surry Hills after splitting with his boyfriend. His being asexual had seen the end of a lot of his romances, but he’s determined to stay true to himself. Leaving his North Shore support group behind, he starts his own in Surry Hills, where he meets first-time-attendee Jordan.

A little bewildered and scared, but completely adorable, Hennessy is struck by this guy who’s trying to find where he belongs. Maybe Hennessy can convince Jordan that his world hasn’t been turned upside down at all, but maybe it’s now—for the first time in his life—the right way up.

It was definitely the fact that Jordan is a librarian that cinched it for me. Ace rep AND a librarian? Insta-buy. Jordan's librarianship seems to consist mostly of shelving, helping patrons, and gossiping with his lesbian BFF Merry (who works with him). That seems fair. I liked that Jordan suggested Hennessy hold the ace support group meetings in the library's meeting room, as that is such a librarian thing to do. Jordan's claim that he needs to wear a grey suit & button-up shirt every day, forcing him to accessorize solely with scarves and shoes, seems less likely. Public librarians typically dress anywhere from casual to business-y. You probably won't see a librarian in jeans, but I highly doubt you'll see one in a full business suit. Australia (where this book is set) does not strike me as an overly formal place. Merry wears the colorful twee librarian aesthetic, obvi.

This book is, naturally, very heavy with ace rep. It's always affirming to read a book with asexual characters, but this one is almost too heavy, with whole paragraphs sounding like they've been pulled from AVEN or an encyclopedia. This could be a good introductory read for people who best consume concepts from stories, but as a seasoned ace from the Graduate School of Tumblr, I got kind of impatient with the Asexuality 101 and 102 explanations. Both Hennessy and Jordan have had relationships end because they were ace, and Jordan felt like he was broken because he didn't want to have sex. The pain behind those occurrences felt real and grounded the story. I wish I had a local ace support group; that would be sweet.

To me, the characterization is the weakest point. Neither character really seems real; they just seem like a combination of various tropes, attributes and roles. Hennessy (SUCH a dumb name) is basically a perfect guy: he's really good-looking, really smart, really nice, very moral and a good friend. He's the encyclopedia entry-spouter. His awful name and cool job are the only interesting things about him. He's pretty boring. Jordan is Adorkable To The Max. He rambles CONSTANTLY, like the stupidest stuff no one in their right mind would say out loud. He truly sounds unhinged and is constantly drowning in anxiety to an unhealthy degree. His brain goes immediately to the worst-case scenario for the smallest things. He's also constantly blurting out Samuel L. Jackson's favorite word, very loudly, in the most inappropriate times. Merry truly deserves a medal for putting up with him. It would be exhausting to be his friend, let alone his significant other. I grew tired of his spiels very quickly and found them embarrassing and annoying rather than funny or cute. Jordan is supposed to be 26, but he sounds and acts much younger, like a teen baby gay. It irritated me that I was supposed to find this anxiety-ridden mess funny.

Jordan and Hennessy's relationship is kind of cute. They ride the same bus and are cute together, and the other commuters get emotionally involved in their relationship and ship them and give advice, which is kind of funny. Their dates are cute, and I want to go to the restaurants they visited because the food sounds amazing. Hennessy is constantly having to reassure Jordan due to his anxiety and low self-esteem. I found the climax of the plot irritating because it involved Jordan's anxiety and thinking-the-worst-ness and a lack of communication. There's also a poly secondary plot with some of their friends. The writing in this book felt very fanfiction-y, kind of juvenile, romance-focused and gush-y. To be fair, I have read amazing writing in fanfiction before, better than some published books I've read (like this one). The book was published in 2019 but feels like it takes place in the early 2010s for some reason.

Overall, I mostly liked this book and am glad I read it. I wish I'd had/read this book when I was an older teen, as I think I would haven enjoyed it more and gotten more from it. Other people hyped it up so much for me that I expected more and was kind of disappointed.

Score: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Read in: June 14-15
From: Book Shop dot org
Status: keep for now

Cover notes: This cover seems really late 2000s/early 2010s to me, with the dots and the partial faces and the zany font (which I do like). I think this cover is subtle enough, for those who are wary of reading gay books in public. The back cover does have the blurb though. I like how the asexual flag is on the top arrow of the  N of the title.

Trigger warnings for this book: acephobia, anxiety, panic attacks (I think),  homophobia mentions, character estranged from birth family, house break-in and theft mention, sex mentions, an interaction can be read as polyphobic, high on chemical fumes mentions, drunk amorous couple mention

Rest of October books

The first book I read in October was The Far Side Gallery 3, which features a cow posing as Mona Lisa (Moona Lisa) on the cover. I got it from the thrift store. I enjoyed this one, and even though I'm pretty sure I've seen all the comics therein, did not remember all of them. The reason I keep saying that for every The Far Side book is because my high school library had the Complete Far Side, which was in two? enormous, heavy volumes. I think I've read all the The Far Side comics, Gary Larson's new stuff notwithstanding (he's recently gotten into digital drawing and started making art again. I have his 2021 calendar.). 4 stars, keeping. Trigger warnings: body horror, characters are eaten, bugs, torture? weird sci fi stuff. all pretty mild

After my Agatha Christie mysteries, I read A Miracle in Seville by James A. Michener. I bought it (all together now!) at the thrift store. This book is set somewhere in the 1950s to '60s range, although the writing style and the lovely old-fashioned illustrations made it feel older. It takes place in Spain during Holy Week (Easter), and the American sports journalist narrator follows around an older Spanish man who is the head of one of the old bull breeding families that supply bulls for bullfights. He has lost his family and status among bull-raising families, and he attempts to raise his family's name by supplicating the Virgin Mary. The three best bullfighters and their bullfighting techniques during the many bullfights during the week are described. I don't know much of anything about bullfighting, but it sounds as though Michener did his research and writes about bullfighting knowledgeably and beautifully. Part of the reason the story time feels older is due to how the Spanish festivals and bullfights and characters are written about. There is a haughty beautiful g*psy fortune teller in swinging skirts who could have stepped out of the pages of a 19th century novel. All the Romani characters in this book are stereotypes and villains. (Read more on why g*psy is a slur here). The writing is very good, though, and the etching/woodcut-like illustrations are gorgeous. The book, while pertaining to be a journalist's notes, reads like a fairy tale from the 19th century, kind of like a Hugo or Dostoevsky novel without the excess verbiage. If it weren't for the stereotypical Romani characters, and the odd/sad ending, I would have liked this book a lot more than I did. 3.5 stars, gave away this book to my dad who is proud of his Spanish heritage despite them being colonizers. Trigger warnings: anti-Romani racism and stereotyping, animal murder and cruelty, human death, maiming mentions, religious self harm

I read Little Black Bird by Anna Kirchner for Ace Week, which was the last week of October. I followed the author on Instagram well before I learned she wrote a book, and immediately put her book on my to read list because it has asexual representation and I like to support my "friends". I was delighted to buy this book from another bookstagrammer. Read the synopsis here. This book takes place in Poland (Anna is Polish) and is written in English (Anna is fluent). I liked that there's a pronunciation guide and short description of words non-Polish readers may not know in the front of the book. However, the writing feels a bit clunky? Disjointed? This may be due to the translating from mental Polish to written English. The characters don't quite feel lived in; it feels like we're told stuff about them. The exception is Wiktoria, whose POV we view the story from. Her anguish about her telekinesis and not being able to fit in is heartbreaking. Her own family treated her like a problem, and it turns out her origins are a mystery. I cared about her and rooted for her. The love interest is a slightly older boy who is bonded to her and there's insta-love and possible attraction. He has color-changing eyes, natch. The romance or whatever (both Wiktoria and the dude are ace questioning) felt very typical, YA fantasy/paranormal novel soulmates, only with less possessiveness and boundary-breaking, thankfully. I think I'm too old for YA novels, you guys; the romances make me roll my eyes instead of swoon. The magic and its usage/rules were very interesting, and the demons and mythological spirits/creatures were scary. I am not very familiar with Slavic mythology (I only know like 3 Slavic fairytales) and it was interesting to read a fantasy book using mythology I'm not familiar with. I was angry on Wiktoria's behalf about how the sorcerers treated her; the obvious thing to do would be to Harry Potter it and tell her she's important and special and to invite her to join the secret sorcerer society, etc. and gain her trust and have her be an ally. Instead they treated her like a criminal. The ace rep is pretty good, with tumblr and AVEN mentioned in the story as sources on ace info. Anyway, fascinating story, things are getting interesting, then BOOM! Cliffhanger. Seriously, there's no real resolution and the book literally ends with "to be continued...". I guess the next book will finish the story, but I don't wanna wait! Ugh. 3.5 stars, keeping. I'm going to have to reread it before I read the sequel. Trigger warnings: torture (both magical and not), stalking, magical mind & body control, demon possession, grudgingly attempted sex due to character feeling owed (consent issues), imprisonment, supernatural scaryness, a character is recovering from an eating disorder