Dragons I have appreciated

Apparently today is Appreciate a Dragon Day. Who am I to let this auspicious holiday go unobserved.

• Smaug (from the book, although I tolerate CumberSmaug). He's awful, but he's badass. Never over using gemstones to make armor for his chest and belly!
• as awful as the books are, Saphira (I don't remember her name exactly), the main dragon in the Eragon books. She's cool.
• Mushu from Mulan, of course. 
• I also liked the Great Stone Dragon a lot and have always sorta felt disappointed that he didn't come to life like Mushu did. And when Mulan sits in/under the statue while it rains???? Most badass seat ever
• I feel like I read at LEAST one book where the girl protagonist (a princess usually) befriended the dragon, turning that trope of dragons vs. princesses on its head. I feel like this happened in the Frog Princess books, among others.
• The Reluctant Dragon by Kenneth Grahame. I love that dude; he's the Ferdinand the Bull of dragons.
• The Ice Dragon by George R.R. Martin. This is actually the only thing by him that I've read, and it is lovely and sad.
• EUSTACE WHEN HE WAS A DRAGON omg I knew I was forgetting someone important
• the image of the red and the white dragons from underground fighting each other in The Once and Future King has always stayed with me, but idk if I appreciate them
• I feel like there are scads of other dragons I've read that I'm not remembering
• the most recent dragon book I've read was called The Dragonwatcher's Guide or something. It's a "nonfiction" scrapbook type book for the newbie dragon scholar. I liked it.
• Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon (the movie, I've never read the book)
• Puff the Magic Dragon feels forever

Ride ten thousand days and nights til age snow white hairs on thee...

(1 , 2)

Do not lose

• que duermes con los angelitos
• colorín colorado, el cuento se ha acabado

Meaty: Essays by Samantha Irby

I was probably pointed to bitches gotta eat by The Toast or maybe Jezebel. It is a hilarious, TMI work of art, blog-wise. I was thinking of buying Samantha Irby's book because I wanted to help her pay for her dental care (detailed in excruciating, horrifying fashion on b.g.e.), but then I came across it at what I'm assuming was the publisher's booth at ALA Annual. I grabbed it and gasped all 'OMG I WAS TOTALLY THINKING OF BUYING THIS!!!' and the nice chatty girl staffing the booth let me have it for free if I would promise to review the book on social media. So here is my review, such as it is.

Meaty is basically bitches gotta eat in book form. If you enjoy her blog and her style of writing (sadly no different colored fonts in the book tho, but plenty of all caps and bolding), then you'll enjoy this book. If you are easily horrified by extremely candid descriptions of bathroom issues and ~personal relationships~, ifyouknowwhatImean, then this book is not for you. The chapters about her parents are heartbreaking. A lot of the stuff about being disgusted with dudes and dating and wanting to forgo all that and just eat snacks while watching TV in a Snuggie really resonated with me (being a social hermit, holla). Here is what I wrote on LibraryThing:

Hilarious and heartbreaking (but mostly hilarious). Profane, gross, TMI, an excellent way to spend the afternoon. If you've read and like her blog than you'll enjoy this book too. I loved the chance to get inside Samantha Irby's head and see how she thinks about things and some of the experiences that made her who she is.

Here is one of my favorite quotes:
"I'm tired of dicking around with stunted adolescents. There can only be one of those in my life and that is me, homie."

4/5 stars

Reading update

I had a leisurely dinner at Panera and read two novellas on my nook. They were both diverse fantasy DRM-free ebooks with LGBT characters.

The Water That Falls on You From Nowhere by John Chu
A short story with lovely writing. Kind of magical realism, as water falls from the sky when you tell a lie.

Burning Girls by Veronica Schanoes
Jewish mythology fantasy that is very sad but sooooo good. It's also a fairytale retelling of Rumpelstiltskin (highlight to see the spoiler). I loved this even though it didn't have a happy ending. Go get it, it's still free!

Still slowly making my way through Uppity Women of Medieval Times by Vicki Leon. It's cool and I'm learning about so many kickass ladies from history, but her tone is a bit flippant and gimmicky at times (saying that a politically ambitious Chinese concubine had a rival Shanghaied, for instance. No.). Still recommended.

All About That Bass

I've been wanting to do this exegesis of “All About The Bass” ever since it first came out, which was ages ago, but this blog has basically been Procrastination Central since its inception so whatever. I love this song, but I have issues with it. 

Yeah it’s pretty clear

I ain’t no size two

But I can shake it shake it

Like I’m supposed to do 

I’m glad your not being a size two doesn't keep you from shaking it, because it shouldn't (full disclosure: I danced to this song like a mad fool at my cousin’s wedding). But you’re “supposed to”? Why, because you’re a larger lady? Because you’re a lady in general? Who told you you’re supposed to shake it? Why can’t you just shake it because you want to?

I’m not going to criticize the grammar (double negatives, etc.) used throughout the song because it is standard in African American Vernacular English (AAVE). What I have an issue with is that the singer, Meghan Trainor, is as white and blond as they come and is using AAVE in the first place. I was disappointed when I saw the music video and learned she is white. Cognitive dissonance, linguistic cultural appropriation. AAVE has entered the mainstream (aka white) cultural consciousness, though, so am I being oversensitive? Is it now ok for white people to use it in songs? I'm feeling the answer to both of those questions is no. I don’t know very much about Meghan Trainor so I don't know if her background is inner-city or urban and if she grew up speaking AAVE. Her music video is a preppy pastel retro wonderland, so I rather doubt it. I wish I could remember the source of this quote: "It is profitable to be black or gay as long as you're neither." 

‘Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase

All the right junk in all the right places

 Well. I kind of hate that use of boom boom, as well as the stale platitude that males lust after women’s bodies. Putting the accuracy of that mentality aside, it shouldn't be just blindly accepted as a fact of life. We should expect better from men and boys.

Also, what about people who have all the wrong junk in all the right places, or all the right junk in all the wrong places, or all the wrong junk in all the wrong places (me)? What constitutes right and wrong, in terms of junk and its placement? Just kidding, I know. Women are supposed to look like Jessica Rabbit or Beyonce. 

I see the magazines working that Photoshop

We know that shit ain't real

Come on now make it stop

If you've got beauty beauty

Just raise ‘em up

‘Cause every inch of you is perfect

From the bottom to the top 

YAASSSSSS. This makes the song for me. 

Yeah my mama she told me don’t worry about your size 

Aww, that’s nice. My mama has told me to exercise more and not eat so much in order to lose weight since I was a teenager. 

She said boys like a little more booty to hold at night 

But at least she never made males’ opinions or desires the yardstick for what my body should look like. My health is the reason she tells me what she does. That’s vastly more important than making males desire me. I’m glad she never taught me anything so damaging.

Also, are there really (white) mothers out there sincerely using ‘booty’? That’s horrifying. 

You know I won’t be no stick figure silicone Barbie doll

So if that’s what you’re into then go ahead and move along 

YES PREACH IT.

Then in the chorus she goes into how she’s “all about that bass, no treble”, which I think is supposed to signify bigness vs. skinnyness? idk. This is not clearly explained and inaccurate musically because the song’s score includes a treble clef. It kind of has to. 

Hey I’m bringing booty back

Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that 

Girl, please. Ain’t no white girl bringing booty back (oh no I’m doing it too. I’M PART OF THE PROBLEM). If anyone brought booty back it was Beyonce or JLo way back in the nineties, not some white girl who has only just become famous because of this song.

Also it’s not very nice to address all thin women as skinny bitches. They can’t all possibly be bitches. This brings up an interesting point, though: when you have a group of people who have historically been oppressed or seen as less than, they are naturally going to feel and express resentment towards the oppressors/dominant group/group who they are constantly being compared to unfavorably. When the oppressed group rejects the acceptable mold and breaks free from trying to conform or be conformed to it, the pendulum will swing in the opposite direction (i.e., the resentment and bitterness against skinny bitches or whites or whoever). This is not as bad as the original bias or racism and is a result of the injustice.  It is very easy to want to be like “f*ck skinny bitches” like Nicki Minaj, but the skinny girls aren't the issue. It’s that the diversity of body sizes isn't accepted with all types of bodies being seen as equally beautiful, and that instead only one type is held up as acceptable (the thin supermodel body type). Remember, however, that one of the steps of grieving is anger. 

No I’m just playing I know you think you’re fat

But I’m here to tell you

Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top 

This is what keeps this song from being skinnybashing, as poorly skilled in reading comprehension and culturally unaware Natalia Kills thought. While most women have body image issues due to this society and its messages, not all women think they’re too fat. There are women and girls who wish they weren't so thin, who wish they had curves instead of being shaped like a tongue depressor. But they too are perfect, just as bigger women and girls are.
 

Here’s the music video, which I mostly like (just like the song!). I do wish the whole thing were just that Polynesian/Pacific Islander fellow doing his thing, because, to quote a YouTube commentator, he is a “dancing god”. I like the palette/look, the diversity of the people (always a bit off to have white singers with backup dancers who are WOC, though) and that the thin girl in the worrisome plastic wrap corset loosens up and dances friendly-like with the others at the end. I want almost everything Meghan Trainor wears in this video.

I don’t think I have ever been as hungry for anything as Meghan Trainor is for fame. Look at her face. It’s like Rachel Berry from Glee but more. That woman would do anything. It scares me a bit.

Also here is my favorite cover (1940s jazz retro style). That girl’s voice! And she plays the upright bass. Visual and auditory puns, y’all.

Super easy bread pudding

So I had some old pieces of cinnamon swirl bread (the heels of the loaf, which I don't typically like eating) and decided to pull a Nigella and make bread pudding for dinner. I used this recipe but quartered it, since the loaf pan I used is like 3 by 6 inches and the recipe was for an 8x8 inch pan.

Ingredients:
2 slices cinnamon swirl bread (old), torn into small pieces
melted butter (I actually forgot to quarter this so it came out really buttery and delicious)
1 egg
1/4 cup milk (this should have been a 1/2 cup. I used coconut almond milk, which tasted fine)
3 tablespoons white sugar
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
 I put the pieces of bread in the pan, melted the butter and poured it over them, then combined the egg, milk, sugar and cinnamon and poured that in. Then I baked it at 350 for about 20 minutes or so (I'm not sure of the right time since I kept checking it every 5 minutes, paranoid it would burn).

IT WAS SO GOOD, YOU GUYS. I ate the whole thing.

Guide to writing

1. Write
2. Edit
3. Don't give up
4. Don't be afraid

number of these that I am doing: zero