Book review: Bridget Jones's Diary by Helen Fielding

eating disorder tw, also spoilers

Can you believe it took me this long to read Bridget Jones's Diary? I did just barely buy it from the thrift store on Wednesday of last week, and read it yesterday! Aren't you proud of me?  I think this is the OG modern retelling of Pride & Prejudice. Amazon summary:

Bridget Jones's Diary is the devastatingly self-aware, laugh-out-loud account of a year in the life of a thirty-something Singleton on a permanent doomed quest for self-improvement. Caught between the joys of Singleton fun, and the fear of dying alone and being found three weeks later half eaten by an Alsatian; tortured by Smug Married friends asking, "How's your love life?" with lascivious, yet patronizing leers, Bridget resolves to: reduce the circumference of each thigh by 1.5 inches, visit the gym three times a week not just to buy a sandwich, form a functional relationship with a responsible adult and learn to program the VCR. With a blend of flighty charm, existential gloom, and endearing self-deprecation, Bridget Jones's Diary has touched a raw nerve with millions of readers the world round. 

This book felt like a grown-up version of the Georgia Nicholson books (Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging, etc.), another series of English girl dating diary-style books. Bridget has the same desperation, the same despondent belief that she is fat and ugly, the same tight group of friends with their own relationship problems, and nearly the same naivety towards men as Georgia, and the latter is fourteen. What's different is that Bridget's anxieties are of the 30-something "I'm going to die alone/men are trash" variety, her friend group includes a Gay Best Friend, and her negative body image veers towards an eating disorder. Adult women are supposed to eat between 1600 and 2400 calories a day, yet Bridget aims for 700 daily calories, and beats herself up if she eats 1200. She frequently calls herself fatphobic names, has a photographic memory of how many calories every kind of food has (this is remarkable because she can't remember her times table or anything else having to do with numbers), and once flees an attempted tryst with a younger man because he presses down on her stomach and says "squashy" in a non-negative way (weird, but not mean). Bridget also strongly reminds me of the Shopaholic series' main character, due to how much I wanted to shake her (they're so annoying and need to grow up!!).

I also would not say Bridget is self aware, as the book summary does. She's way too hard on herself in the looks department and thinks she's fat even though she's not, while she doesn't realize how hard she's making her own life. She also deflates whenever anyone is mean or overbearing, and doesn't know how to set boundaries with people. I was similarly boy-obsessed, despairing when they ignored me, and certain I was fat and always trying to diet in my twenties, but Bridget's in her thirties and is acting like a 19 year old.

In short, Bridget bears no resemblance to Lizzy Bennet. Lizzy would have stood up to the fatphobic catty model-types and said something witty and biting to them. Lizzy wouldn't have slept with her boss even though she knew he didn't want to be in a relationship (Bridget did call him out a few times, but was still really gullible). Lizzy wouldn't have cared what weight or size she was. Lizzy wouldn't have fretted over men or dying alone. Lizzy wouldn't have put up with many of Bridget's so-called "friends"' behavior, and she would have handled the Smug Marrieds' nosy questions better, possibly even making them feel they had behaved badly. She also doesn't have any banter with Darcy. Bridget is a disappointment in that sense. You have to see this book as a completely different work than Pride & Prejudice.

Mark Darcy was handled pretty well, I thought. I was surprised to see that his and Bridget's relationship wasn't the typical "hate to love"/wits clashing kind of dynamic that you often see. Bridget's and Mark's family friends keep trying to push them together, but Bridget thinks Mark is a dork, and Mark thinks she's attractive but that she's not into him. They obviously get together in the end, although you don't really know why. Bridget is so immature and has so many neuroses and low self esteem that you're not sure what Mark sees in her, apart from his comment that he was tired of dating airbrushed, plastic women and wanted someone real. You also get the feeling Bridget gets with Mark mainly because she likes the attention and doesn't want to be single anymore. Her finally having a boyfriend is the triumph, not their being in love. To be honest, this book dwelt way too much on the Wickham character, Bridget's boss, than on Mark Darcy.

I thought it was a stroke of genius that the Mrs. Bennet and Lydia characters were compounded into one, Bridget's mum. She gets a midlife crisis and a Portuguese lover, to Bridget's horror, and the scandal Darcy has to help with is a timeshare scam. I thought she was pretty well-written: self-involved, self-absorbed, selfish, obsessed with fixing Bridget up with somebody, totally embarrassing. I also thought Bridget was way too much of a doormat with her, always doing what she wanted.

The other characters are nearly unrecognizable to their P&P counterparts, or nonexistent. Bridget's dad is a racist cuckhold who weeps and mopes about when his wife leaves him (he always calls the Portuguese lover a w*p when railing against him). Mr. Bennet would have been like, good riddance if his wife left him. Mary Bennet's part may have been played by Bridget's man-hating (but not a lesbian) friend? I already mentioned that Bridget's hot but flaky boss was the Wickham character, but he also had a dash of Mr. Collins, in the sense that he married someone else and it blindsided Bridget.

I know I've been ragging on this book a lot, and deservedly so, but I still enjoyed it for what it was. I read this at the end of a very long day, and it was the perfect read for that. I'd recommend this book if you want to read all of the Jane Austen retellings or if you like chick lit, especially British chick lit, and have a high tolerance for romcom Single Girl shenanigans.

I want to read the other books, but will get them from the library rather than buying them. I'd also like to see the movies.

Score: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Read in: May 12
From: thrift store
Format: paperback
Status: idk, probably giving away

Book reviews: The Little Lady Agency and Little Lady, Big Apple by Hester Browne

After all the murder mysteries I decided to read something lighthearted, so I read The Little Lady Agency and Little Lady, Big Apple by Hester Browne. It's typical Brit chick lit, like the Bridget Jones' Diary and Shopaholic series. Melissa gets fired from yet another job and decides to try working for her old teacher as what she believes to be a dinner/parties companion but turns out to be an escort. She then decides to create her own company as a sort of fixer/makeover giver/fake girlfriend/personal shopper to help clueless single rich guys. To keep this a secret from her awful  politician dad and rich family, she wears a blonde wig and goes by Honey. However, things get complicated when she falls for one of her clients, an interesting American businessman who runs her old job.

While I enjoy reading about people who have great organizational skills and are wizards at running social events, this was too weird for me. I hated that Melissa was this naive doormat who couldn't say no to anyone, let her truly horrible family walk all over her, and let her boyfriends steal from and/or control her. Her philandering MP father strong-arms her into planning her younger sister's wedding for free, and continues to berate and insult her throughout. While the American businessman boyfriend tells off Melissa's dad and forces him to publicly thank her at the reception, I hated that it was a man who was in charge of the dad's comeuppance and not Melissa herself. I guess her being easily deflated every time she tries to stand up for herself is an accurate symptom of abuse, though.

This inability to stand up for herself affects her relationships, and she basically lets all the guys she dates call the shots and walk all over her. In Little Lady, Big Apple, Melissa is thrilled when American boyfriend (I forgot his name) flies her to New York City to stay with him and go sightseeing. However, his job and ex-wife (they are still going through the splitting up assets thing) keep him from spending time with Melissa at all, because he has no backbone. Unsurprisingly, Melissa has a hard time standing up for herself when American boyfriend wants her to stop helping guys altogether because he feels threatened like the chump he is and instead wants her to plan parties, which is not really what she does or wants to do. Thankfully she tells him at the end of LL,BA that if he's making her choose between him and her job, she chooses her job, even though it breaks her heart. Luckily he comes to his senses and begs for her to take him back.

I'm also really tired of reading about heroines that just HATE their curves and think they're fat and ugly but all the men around them hit on them and drool and stuff. Melissa is always talking about how fat she is and how wide her hips are and how big her boobs are, and it gets so tiresome, especially when like every male character she is around basically does the BOING cartoon pop-out eyeball thing at her. Despite all her self-deprecation, which I believe a lot of curvy women go through and have in real life, it's obvious that she's this Nigella Lawson retro pinup type chick, and looks super hot in everything. Ugh. Oh, at the beginning of the book, a male coworker slaps Melissa on the ass and she's like "haha oh that Hughy" with no anger at all! Um, that's workplace sexual harassment! Why does she think that's normal??? I also found her naivety (misunderstanding men's sexual entrendes, the escort job, others' objectifying her) annoying, although she also chalks it up to having to deal with her dad's infidelities. Still weird and annoying rather than amusing.

 If I come across the other books in this series I might read them, but I'm not spending more than $1 on them.

I have no real opinions on the book covers, other than that they're cute and girly. I do want to say that I kind of hate the name The Little Lady Agency. I find it difficult to believe that Melissa's business would be wanted or needed in like 2005 or whatever; it seems more a 1950s/60s thing. I know a lot of guys are clueless, but still. Of note: one of Melissa's friends/clients sounds like he's asexual and/or aromantic (she poses as his girlfriend to get his mom off his back, and he says that he's just not interested in dating anyone and is happy alone in the long term).

Score: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Read in: mid January
From: thrift store
Format: paperback
Status: giving away

April-June 2016 books

I have been so lazy with reading lately. My brain is tired when I get home from work, so I procrastinate on my towering to-read list.

Miss Match by Catherine Avril Morris. Free Kindle ebook, early April
Another lame trope-y chicklit romance. I was pretty irritated that the leading lady's friends hired a "romance expert" to basically seduce her without her knowledge and consent, and the friends are never made to see how awful and inappropriate that was; instead, the protagonist apologizes to her friends for being mad at first! (She and the romance expert fall in love for real, of course.) I should stop reading taming of the shrew type stories. 3/5

The Lamp of Darkness by Dave Mason & Mike Feuer. Free Nook ebook, mid-April
This is Biblical historical fiction about Elijah, Ahab and Jezebel from the perspective of a young shepherd boy/musician that is told like fantasy, so I LOVED IT. The authors are rabbis so they definitely know their story and its historical context. This was so good I want to buy a physical copy as well as read the next book(s). 4.5/5

Kahlo by ?. Physical purchased book, lateish April

This is a biography of Frida Kahlo (forgot to get the author's name) with full-color illustrations of many of her paintings and sketches. It's in Spanish, so it took me a little longer to read. I bought this when I was in Mexico with my family at this fancy hotel/restaurant/store called Sanborns, and I read it throughout our vacation there. I wanted more of an analysis of her art and its themes instead of just a straight telling of her life story, but whatever. I got a good deal of that from a scholarly article I got off JSTOR ages ago about the Aztec imagery in Frida Kahlo's paintings, which I read on the plane on the way to Mexico. I was especially troubled at the lack of references, endnotes, or even a bibliography. Where did you get your sources from, person? What if we want to read more? 3.9/5

Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

 by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. "Gift" physical book, lateish April-early May

My mom bought this book "for me" (really so she could justify buying it to read), and I also read it during my Mexico trip after I finished the Kahlo biography. Cloud & Townsend are Christian psychologists who have written tons of relationship and self-help books separately and together, and I've read several of them thanks to my mom's buying habit. This one was good but a bit 2real at times (I had to fight back tears at the airport, which was kind of embarrassing. Luckily I was sick so I could blame that for the snuffling). 4/5

The Lake House by Kate Morton. Library book, early-mid May

My bookclub chose this book for May, and I thought at first that it was a book the Sandra Bullock rom-com was based on and was prepared for a chick lit book with some time-traveling. It's actually a sweeping mystery set in England that bounces between various characters' views and flashbacks in the "present day" (1990s), 1890s, 1930s and 1940s. I actually already read a book by this author, and I found both books super similar: they have a precocious bookish heroine with authorial aspirations who falls in love with an older guy who encourages her writing so she thinks he likes her back and kisses him and it's super awkward and she and we think it's one of the big mysteries but it isn't, a classic children's book (which doesn't exist in our world) based on a real girl and/or real themes in the book that somehow ties in to the mystery, spouses cheating on each other, mysteries centering around a particular well-loved house that is almost a character in its own right and is later abandoned due to said mystery, guilt, WWII, sisters and their relationships, flashbacks between characters and between the past and the present day, the present day is the 1990s otherwise I guess research would be too easy and the book would be over too soon, there is a historical protagonist and a modern protagonist who are intertwined somehow... Really a lot of similarities. She's a good writer so it puzzled me a bit that the books have so many similar elements. I liked this book way more than The Distant Hours since this one actually had a happy ending. 4/5

Wonder Woman Vol.3: Iron by Brian Azzarello, illustrated by Cliff Chiang. Library comic book, late June
I wanted to read a Wonder Woman comic since I don't think I ever had and I don't want to be a fake geek girl. I usually hate reading series out of order but this one was the first one the library had. Basically this series is, what if Wonder Woman's dad was Zeus? Fantastic. I ordered the rest from the library so I can read the whole series. 4.5/5

January-March 2016 books

Orgullo y Prejuicio (graphic novel). Dec. 2015-Feb. 2016
My dad bought me a graphic novel version of Pride & Prejudice in Spanish, as a Christmas present. It's an ok envisioning; the speech bubbles' copying and pasting of text should have been edited a bit more closely, and I don't like how all the girls look 16 and all the guys look 40. The artwork was kinda cartoony, and more detail/accuracy could have been kept in the depictions of clothing, etc. 3.9/5

Bon Appetit by Sandra Boyd. early January
A Christian chick lit book about an American woman who moves to France to become a pastry chef in a culinary school. Great depictions of baking and food; this made me want to visit France so bad! I think this is part of a series, although it stands alone. 4/5

Epic by John Elderidge. early January
This is a reread I did one Saturday afternoon. I do love books that are like 'there's a spiritual reasoning behind loving fairytales/myths/etc.!' 4.9/5

Behind Lewis's Lions: Searching the Bible for C.S. Lewis's Lions by Mary Tilden. Jan.-Feb.
This was a free Nook ebook I was initially excited to read, but turned out to be kinda dull and repetitive. I did learn a bit about how the Bible portrays lions, but it's annoying to me when books are like "look up these 8 Bible verses!" without providing the text (I'm lazy, ok?). Plus she did that thing where she extrapolated too much from it, like, "see how the Bible portrayed lions like this? Lewis clearly was referencing/inspired by that when he wrote Aslan!!" Like, not necessarily. 3/5

Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell. mid February
I had heard good things about this book, but didn't get around to reading it until my book club chose to read it. This (library) book was really good but SO SAD. I'm talking major domestic abuse/violence situation as well as mean school bullying. Teens from different social backgrounds are thrust together in their high school, bond over music and comic books and overcome obstacles like cliques and fear of what others think to fall in love, set in the 1980s.  Like I'm glad? I read it, but it did a number on me emotionally. It ends on a happy note, I guess. 4/5

Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls by David Sedaris. Mid-late March
I read and own Me Talk Pretty One Day and loved it, so I was excited when the next book my book club chose was this one (and lbr, we needed a lighthearted palate cleanser after E&P). David Sedaris is a great writer and very funny/outlandish, but I didn't like this book as much as MTP1D. I don't know if it was lesser in quality or humor, or if I just now have way less patience for privileged white men's opinions about stuff (especially about other cultures and/or race). I think the funniest essay/story was about Costco. 3.9/5

Batter Up by Robyn Neeley. Late March
The least substantial of all chick lit about a baker chick whose cupcake batter spells out the name of the person a bachelor is going to marry. I was interested in the magic stuff, but the author chose to focus more on the stale "bicker then fall for each other" and "quirky/meddling small town" tropes, which made it pretty lame and forgettable. 3/5