Book Review: Sounds Fake But Okay by Sarah Costello & Kayla Kaszyca

'Somehow, over time, we forgot that the rituals behind dating and sex were constructs made up by human beings and eventually, they became hard and fast rules that society imposed on us all.'

True Love. Third Wheels. Dick pics. 'Dying alone'. Who decided this was normal?

Sarah and Kayla invite you to put on your purple aspec glasses - and rethink everything you thought you knew about society, friendship, sex, romance and more.

Drawing on their personal stories, and those of aspec friends all over the world, prepare to explore your microlabels, investigate different models of partnership, delve into the intersection of gender norms and compulsory sexuality and reconsider the meaning of sex - when allosexual attraction is out of the equation.

Spanning the whole range of relationships we have in our lives - to family, friends, lovers, society, our gender, and ourselves, this book asks you to let your imagination roam, and think again what human connection really is. 

I bought this book during Barnes & Noble's 25% off preorders sale, and read it for International Asexuality Day. This book is based on an asexual- and aromantic-themed podcast from two best friends, which has the same title as the book. The title is a reference to people often thinking asexual and aromantic people are making stuff up. I am not a podcast person and had never heard of SFBO, but I might just seek it out. Each chapter tackles a different topic through the lens of the asexual and aromantic spectrums: society, yourself, friendship, romance and partners, sex, family, and gender. There is a glossary of terms in the beginning of the book, which is very helpful. Some stuff was known to me and some stuff wasn't; it's not so much that I learned from this book but that a lot was affirmed for me. It's nice to spend time in a book with such a solidly a-spec point of view. I wouldn't consider this a beginner, intro to asexuality/aromanticism type of book, but would be fine to read in conjunction with such books. It's not particularly advanced either. I liked how the book included podcast listeners' experiences and perspectives, instead of just the two authors'. Sarah identifies as asexual and aromantic, and Kayla as demisexual and biromantic; both women are white and cisgender. This is a worthy addition to the pantheon of asexual and aromantic books, and I would read it in addition to other books such as Refusing Compulsory Sexuality, which is from a Black asexual lens. This was a quick read and I recommend it.

Score: 4 out of 5 stars
Read in: April 7
From: Barnes & Noble
Status: keeping

Representation: asexual and aromantic, other terms and micro-terms under those umbrellas (demisexual, demiromantic, etc.), biromantic author, other LGBTQ+ identities from submitters

Cover notes: Love it, obvs. Not sure why the sunglasses are there but they're cute. Maybe as a reference to the Deal With It meme? Oh wait the "put on your purple aspec glasses" reference in the summary.

Trigger warnings: aphobia, acephobia, homophobia, references to sexual assault and harassment, amatonormativity, allocentrism, heteronormativity, sex and hookups mentions, vomit/ing mention, JK Rowling/Harry Potter mentions, that's all I remember