Book review: The Second Mrs. Giaconda by E.L. Konigsburg

[Spoilers throughout because this is an old story about an older event and I don't care]

E.L. Konigsburg is the author of From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankenweiler (I think that's the title; I'm not bothering to look up the spelling), which I love. I've read a couple of her other books and really like her voice/writing style. I was excited about this one because it's her take on why a thieving apprentice might have been important to Leonardo da Vinci and why LdV might have painted an unknown merchant's second wife when he had all the big names in Italy begging him for a portrait.

Clearly she loves the Italian Renaissance era and finds it fascinating, as this is the second (as far as I know) of her books that deals with a secret behind a beautiful artwork by a teenage mutant ninja turtle  Master from that genre/era. However, I was disappointed in this book. The premise was interesting, and while I feel that the idea that Salai (the aforementioned apprentice) was Leonardo's foil and basically allowed him to be carefree and daring vicariously through him, as well as Salai being in love with the duchess, had a lot of promise, ELK basically did nothing with these ideas. There was a lot of description and scenebuilding, everything that ELK is good at, but there was no plot. No one really had anything to lose (although the duchess dies and it's sad because everyone liked her and she's the sole rounded female character). There were no stakes. No one really changed much at the end of the novel. It just was kind of dissatisfying.

Salai as the protagonist is almost entirely unlikeable. He has no moral scruples whatsoever and is completely baldfaced about it, with no negative repercussions to anything he does. The tone of the book didn't match with Salai's tone and vocabulary, which was weirdly slangy in a 20th century way. Despite the title, the subject of the Mona Lisa literally enters the book about three pages from the end. According to this book, Leonardo painted the portrait of this second wife of a nobody merchant because Salai saw that she was basically who the duchess would have been had she lived, and he talked Leonardo into doing it. Yep. Freaking Salai. I don't hate this book, but I feel annoyed that ELK didn't turn it into what it could have been. This could have been really something. It's like you had all the necessary ingredients to make a really good cake, but instead you have a weird flat boring doughy substance that is edible and not that bad but it makes you mad because you could've had delicious cake! 3/5 stars probably

Makeup review: Maybelline Color Whisper lipstick in "Who Wore It Red-er"

A while back I tried a couple of my best friend's lipsticks, which were the same brand and type but different shades (an explanation if you are confused by these terms). Maybelline's Color Whisper lipsticks are glossy, sheerish shades that are very light and smooth and glide on easily. I tried a nude shade and a peach shade, both of which can look harsh or weird on my skin, but because they were so light and sheer they actually looked really good. I decided to buy my own tube, and opted for "Who Wore It Red-er" (um, Maybelline? The word "redder" exists. Use that. People are going to know you're punning "who wore it better".) since I'm always on the hunt for the perfect red lipstick (the makeup-wearing human condition). This shade was just as smooth and slide-on-y as the others, but it was otherwise disappointing. Who wore it redder? Everyone. Everyone wore it redder, because this lipstick is not red. It is a sort of ambiguous magenta (feel free to use this as a band name, just give me 10% of your band's earnings).  The picture above does have an Instagram filter applied, but it was chosen for increased color accuracy since my cell phone camera is weird and makes things come out both darker and more washed-out than in real life, and it doesn't quite show the correct shade, which is quite vibrant. It's a magenta that looks kind of reddish if you look at it quickly. But it is decidedly not red. Because it is so smooth and slick, I feel like the color kind of slides around on your lips and possibly outside your mouth into Not Lip territory. It is also hard to apply it accurately from the tube; using a lip brush would probably correct that. Since it's so glossy, your lips don't really dry out the way they do with matte lipsticks, but the color kind of feels like it stains your lips, which is strange because initially it feels like you have to apply a lot in order for the color to look even. It takes a lot more wiping to get it all off than you'd think, for a lipstick that's practically a gloss in stick form. Anyway, I give this particular tube 3 out of 5 stars. 

Unsung Hero[in]es: In the Bible, What Did Women Do?

The Seventh-day Adventist Church, among many other Christian denominations, has been going through the issue of whether or not women should be ordained as pastors. There are already women pastors, my aunt among them, but millennia of patriarchal misogyny and male gender bias are hard to shake off. The senior pastor at my church, LLUC, has done a sermon series about some of the women leaders of the Bible in order to see what they and their roles may have to teach us about the topic of women's ordination. I wanted to write down the messages in order to remember them.

1. Deborah: Here Comes the Judge! (sermon video) – Don't limit the way God chooses to work. Don't think that God can or should only work in one specific way.
2. Huldah: Prophet to the King (video) – I think this one is something like, Listen to what God is saying regardless of who He's saying it through. God chooses to speak through whomever He wants. God's message is vital regardless of whoever is saying it, even if it's someone you wouldn't expect.
3. Miriam: In the Leadership Circle (video) – "Unsung heroes can have feet of clay." God can speak or work through flawed people. Just because a person is flawed, doesn't mean that God can't work through them or choose them to be leaders. Moses also made mistakes and was flawed, but people don't point to him and say that men shouldn't be leaders because of him. (I almost fistpumped in church when he said this. I definitely made that "sips tea" face)
4. Esther: Living with the If (video) – This sermon was given by a woman. The story of Esther should be sung and remembered because it shows us how to trust in God despite uncertainty and place our lives in His hands. We need to stand up for what's right despite our fear.
5. Priscilla and Junia: The Apostles' Colleagues – Today's church should look like the early church, with both women and men in its leadership and playing important roles.
6. Next week is Mary: A Woman's Place. Not sure yet which Mary it is.

I have loved this sermon series, not only because of the crumbs of representation for women that there is in the Bible and the way this shines a light on women leaders (even fewer crumbs for them), but because this is one of the ways my quiet, prefers-not-to-ruffle-feathers pastor shows support for women's ordination: by preaching from the Bible, the same place opponents of women's ordination turn to. This is simultaneously an ordinary sermon series on Bible characters and a Scriptures-supported feminist endorsement of women's ordination. I see you and I thank you.

Dragons I have appreciated

Apparently today is Appreciate a Dragon Day. Who am I to let this auspicious holiday go unobserved.

• Smaug (from the book, although I tolerate CumberSmaug). He's awful, but he's badass. Never over using gemstones to make armor for his chest and belly!
• as awful as the books are, Saphira (I don't remember her name exactly), the main dragon in the Eragon books. She's cool.
• Mushu from Mulan, of course. 
• I also liked the Great Stone Dragon a lot and have always sorta felt disappointed that he didn't come to life like Mushu did. And when Mulan sits in/under the statue while it rains???? Most badass seat ever
• I feel like I read at LEAST one book where the girl protagonist (a princess usually) befriended the dragon, turning that trope of dragons vs. princesses on its head. I feel like this happened in the Frog Princess books, among others.
• The Reluctant Dragon by Kenneth Grahame. I love that dude; he's the Ferdinand the Bull of dragons.
• The Ice Dragon by George R.R. Martin. This is actually the only thing by him that I've read, and it is lovely and sad.
• EUSTACE WHEN HE WAS A DRAGON omg I knew I was forgetting someone important
• the image of the red and the white dragons from underground fighting each other in The Once and Future King has always stayed with me, but idk if I appreciate them
• I feel like there are scads of other dragons I've read that I'm not remembering
• the most recent dragon book I've read was called The Dragonwatcher's Guide or something. It's a "nonfiction" scrapbook type book for the newbie dragon scholar. I liked it.
• Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon (the movie, I've never read the book)
• Puff the Magic Dragon feels forever

Ride ten thousand days and nights til age snow white hairs on thee...

(1 , 2)

Do not lose

• que duermes con los angelitos
• colorín colorado, el cuento se ha acabado

Meaty: Essays by Samantha Irby

I was probably pointed to bitches gotta eat by The Toast or maybe Jezebel. It is a hilarious, TMI work of art, blog-wise. I was thinking of buying Samantha Irby's book because I wanted to help her pay for her dental care (detailed in excruciating, horrifying fashion on b.g.e.), but then I came across it at what I'm assuming was the publisher's booth at ALA Annual. I grabbed it and gasped all 'OMG I WAS TOTALLY THINKING OF BUYING THIS!!!' and the nice chatty girl staffing the booth let me have it for free if I would promise to review the book on social media. So here is my review, such as it is.

Meaty is basically bitches gotta eat in book form. If you enjoy her blog and her style of writing (sadly no different colored fonts in the book tho, but plenty of all caps and bolding), then you'll enjoy this book. If you are easily horrified by extremely candid descriptions of bathroom issues and ~personal relationships~, ifyouknowwhatImean, then this book is not for you. The chapters about her parents are heartbreaking. A lot of the stuff about being disgusted with dudes and dating and wanting to forgo all that and just eat snacks while watching TV in a Snuggie really resonated with me (being a social hermit, holla). Here is what I wrote on LibraryThing:

Hilarious and heartbreaking (but mostly hilarious). Profane, gross, TMI, an excellent way to spend the afternoon. If you've read and like her blog than you'll enjoy this book too. I loved the chance to get inside Samantha Irby's head and see how she thinks about things and some of the experiences that made her who she is.

Here is one of my favorite quotes:
"I'm tired of dicking around with stunted adolescents. There can only be one of those in my life and that is me, homie."

4/5 stars

Reading update

I had a leisurely dinner at Panera and read two novellas on my nook. They were both diverse fantasy DRM-free ebooks with LGBT characters.

The Water That Falls on You From Nowhere by John Chu
A short story with lovely writing. Kind of magical realism, as water falls from the sky when you tell a lie.

Burning Girls by Veronica Schanoes
Jewish mythology fantasy that is very sad but sooooo good. It's also a fairytale retelling of Rumpelstiltskin (highlight to see the spoiler). I loved this even though it didn't have a happy ending. Go get it, it's still free!

Still slowly making my way through Uppity Women of Medieval Times by Vicki Leon. It's cool and I'm learning about so many kickass ladies from history, but her tone is a bit flippant and gimmicky at times (saying that a politically ambitious Chinese concubine had a rival Shanghaied, for instance. No.). Still recommended.